I always ask myself, “What’s next?”
Lately, I feel bummed out. Maybe it’s because I noticed that I’ve been living a dreadfully mundane routine again. I wake up, work a 12-hour shift, go to the gym, and sleep. Then I wake up, work another 12-hour shift, go to the gym, and sleep.
Sometimes, I’d like to think that this daily routine is certainly good for me. Working out after work is tiring. Working a 12-hour shift is tiring. Getting up to work is tiring. Even sleeping seems to be tiring. I don’t know if this is the cause of having too much work hours or not enough sleep, but it’s definitely not making me happier.
This is why I ask, “What’s next?”
What’s next to this humdrum daily routine of my life? What’s next to getting up to work a full 12-hour shift? What’s next to working out to lose all the alcohol you drank over the weekend? What’s next to sleeping for roughly four to six hours every single day? What’s next to getting a life over the weekend? What’s next to keeping up with your peers? What’s next to making another weird short film that might not get the recognition it deserves? What’s next to feeling as if you’re a robot? What’s next to being unattractive? What’s next to being single? What’s next to being the person who always gets left out?
There are so many questions I would love to be answered. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. Petty as it may sound sometimes, but it bugs me. I just hope, within the next twenty What’s Next?s that I ask this month, I can actually see results.
Maybe that’s the problem, not seeing enough results for sticking to a routine. Or maybe I need to change the daily routine again. I don’t want to live a bland, boring life. I am a person who loves planning but also admires spontaneity.
I guess I miss my life years ago, back when I was juggling filmmaking and college. Everything seemed to be more ecstatic and colourful back then. It felt surreal, as I may call it, but those teenage years are long gone.
Now, I am on the stage of my life where I transition into becoming a fully developed adult. Not that I’m avoiding adulthood, but everytime nostalgia kicks in, I tend to ask myself a lot of questions that in the context of what’s next.
I’ve always lived a fast-paced life, working on different projects, juggling music and film, and never being stagnant. Maybe the routine that I’m in just makes me feel bland. Maybe the result’s different. Maybe I need to be in it for the long haul. It’s a fast-paced routine but definitely something that doesn’t feel like it.
Or maybe, I just need to learn how to wait for results. I can be stubbornly impatient at times. Strictly stubborn and reckless, to be plainly honest.
Although much has changed from when I was eighteen, I can proudly say that I still need to be stubborn and reckless. This enables me to take risks. This, also, enables me to be existentially exhausted. Almost dead tired. Restless.
Still, out of all the thoughts that linger in my head throughout my daily routine, no one can stop me from asking “What’s next?”
To you, who stumbled across this honestly random question and confession, do you also wonder what’s next? Do you live a life knowing what’s bound to happen? Or maybe, just like me, you tend to flood your mind with what’s next?