Ever wanted to write a lot of things about the world but don’t know where to start? Me too. Which feels weird, to be honest. For a person who knows how to speak instinctively, it seems that I have forgotten how to write spontaneously. I feel as if my body has a certain filter that hinders me from writing what I want. Or maybe my mind is cluttered, hence, not knowing how to start.

I remember, back when I was a kid, I used to draw and write spontaneously. Whenever I saw a piece of paper, I drew what I visualised, I wrote I want. I would love to be that kind of person again.

As of this time, I believe that people who can naturally write their thoughts are willfully skilled, if not, just merely confident.

It’s been seven days and I’m still stuck writing this.

Anyway, let me just write about what’s happening in my life right now.

My mind is clouded with thoughts of “Gina”, the recent short film that I shot last month. Making the short has been a huge risk that I took since I don’t know where it will lead me. But the main purpose of making “Gina” is for her story to be told.

“Gina” was written for three years. I started writing it back in 2013, even though I had the concept back in 2011.

For some reason, I stopped making short films after my last short/mid-length film, “Mapulang Paggugunamgunam (Bloodshot Reverie)”. I know that I was demotivated, but I won’t take that excuse. Maybe I just lost all hope after making “Gunam” back in 2014.

Three days ago, I travelled six hours by bus to meet the editor. We shared insights and collaborated on how Gina’s story will be told. It was not existentially tiring but I had to make tough choices. Telling a story using film is not as easy as it sounds like.

We finished the offline edit and I’m bound to talk to more people that will collaborate to make the music, sound design, subtitles and colour grade.

In addition to that, I don’t even think that this short film will be considered by the local film festivals here in the Philippines, but maybe I’m just negatively thinking ahead of this.

I guess, all storytellers will come across their doubts and fears, and maybe the only way to stop it is to plunge it off with dreams and collaboration. It is true, what the old people say, that the greatest enemy that you will face is yourself. It all boils down to this.

After this month, maybe, just maybe, the path that I chose will give light to the decisions I made the past year. Let’s just see what happens in the future.

Worse comes to worse, I believe nothing can stop me from telling stories in this certain medium: film.

Here’s to more stories we will tell and share, no matter how hard it is to write. Even though, at first, we don’t really know what to write.

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